(Menu) Changes

We decided to keep New Years low key this year. I think we kinda sorta really overdid Thanksgiving and it made us a wee bit shell shocked and gun shy. We planned on only inviting a few this year. We'd keep the whole thing small and casual. No big meal, just assorted sandwiches and wraps, chips, cheese, crackers, and my desserts. That sort of thing. Nice and light. Well, except for my desserts.

Then my uncle decided that he'd get the sandwiches. He offered to get either that or arabic food. I started feeling that things were going to spiral out of control. They did. My mom told him to get whatever he liked. I gaped at her. Now, if you knew my mom, you'd know that she's nothing if not a control freak. It's where I got all of my control freak tendencies-- and I'm the laid-back one. For her to relinquish control over something as monumental as our meal was, well, indescribable. It's never been done. Even when we did our holiday celebrations over at my grandparents' farm, brought we brought and prepared the food. And she wasn't even being passive-aggressive about it! She really didn't care! But I care! I care a lot!

You see, I carefully plan and stage our menus. I'm the one who agonizes over choices, flavors, everything! I had it all carefully planned. I knew what I wanted. And it's all gone... Ruined. Left up to other people. I'm at a loss. And it shows.

That's the worst part. It shows. I stumbled around the food store today, completely bewildered. "What drink should we have, mom?" "Whatever.." What kind of help is that?! My desserts.. I have no idea what to make now. I realized that I had two very rich, creamy desserts and that just would not do! I had to decide to cut one. I ask for a suggestion, I get a shrug. After much soul searching-- yes, I'm a Martha Stewart at heart, shut up!-- I decide to keep the cheesecake. But I must have at least a second dessert. Just in case someone wants something else. And it has to counterbalance the rich creaminess of the cheesecake. I've nearly torn my hair out over this. It's torture. So many desserts, so little time..

I've decided on biscotti. I found two recipes that I think will do. A nice anice-almond biscotti and a dried cranberry and white chocolate biscotti. And I'm serving hot fudge with the cheesecake 'cause I usually do some big chocolate thing, but don't want to overdo the heavy desserts.

I still feel like something's missing. I feel uncertain, unsteady, thrown. My menu, she will never be the same. R.I.P. my darling.